Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the dance ?

Because he had no body to go with


Sherlock Holmes and Watson are lying on the grass looking up at the stars. Watson looks at the night sky ands says “looking at the millions of starts, millions of light years away, with the possibility of millions of planets some of which must be similar in some way to Earth, what do you deduce ?”

Sherlock thinks for a moment and then states. “The only thing one can say with absolute certainty, is that somebody’s stolen our tent”


Knock Knock

Who’s there?


Mary Who ?

Merry Christmas


Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing ?

They always drop their needles


Who delivers presents to baby sharks ?

Santa Jaws


There was a magician called Stu

Whose wife tried to kill, yes it’s true

So she sawed him in half

Which was a bit daft

As now there’s not one Stu but two


There was a dog breeder called Daniel

Who wed a frog breeder called Hazel

They went mad one night

And to their delight

Ended up with the first croaker spaniel


I used to be conceited but now I’m perfect.


I haven’t slept for three days

Because eight hours is enough


I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes shut